NCU Fantasy Football 2017 Preseason Power Rankings

Just like we did every week in NCU Fantasy Baseball this year, Troy and I are offering our take on the strength of each team in our football league. And it's especially fun to do it before the season because everyone feels relatively strong about their chances to at least make the playoffs.

But no one likes a pretentious jagweed, so we've come up with all kinds of great ways of telling you how little we think of your decision-making and general plan of attack on life. With more ado, here's a list of things Rick Astley is never gonna do:

• Give you up
• Let you down
• Run around
• Desert you
• Make you cry
• Say goodbye
• Tell a lie
• Hurt you

And now, your Preseason Power Rankings, compiled by us:

1. Troy's "Trojan Horses"

Jamaal: The Trojan Horses have three keepers going in the first round of every redraft league — Antonio Brown, LeSean McCoy, and LeVeon Bell. Really, some unprecedented talent here, and he did do some good work to support his solid foundation in the draft. I see a final four appearance in his future. But the thing about Troy is he's not in this league for anything but cold-blooded murder. He doesn't care about your family, he doesn't care about your job, and he doesn't care about your dreams. He is basically a fantasy sports cyborg intent on your destruction.He is the Jason Bourne of NCU Fantasy Sports. You wonder why he doesn't come to drafts and parties? He's avoiding emotional connection so he doesn't feel a thing when he lights your house on fire. Team, I mean. Not house. Troy will not be lighting your house on fire. Right, buddy?



Troy: 

2. Nathan's "We Are Terrible"

Troy: We are Terrible for Nate's team name is as dishonest as "Make America Great Again" was for Donald Trump's campaign slogan. Neither make sense. Just like the United States, Nate's team has been great for a while already. Building off of a strong core of keepers he had a stellar draft adding Jordan Reed and Kareem Hunt. This team has as much depth at the skill positions as any team in the league. I expect this team to vying for a first round bye come playoff time.

Jamaal: This is my favorite team in the league, far above my own. I changed my middle name to Nathan. I'm moving to Princeton. I bought this wig: 

I'll get it trimmed. 

So yeah, I like this team and I think Nate will play Troy for the title this year.

3. Nick's "Team E.J.E."

Jamaal: Three of the past four league champions hail from the Duckies and Bunnies division — Nick won his title back in 2013. Since then, he's put up a 17-22 record. He's had more pending trades dissolved by the commissioner than postseason appearances over that span. But I'm a big fan of Nick's work to build up his roster. It's a good mix of youngs, olds, with a sprinkling of star power in OBJ. Really, your ranking of this squad directly correllates with whether you believe in EJE's bounce-back RBs — Lamar Miller and CJ Anderson. Personally, I do. 

Troy: Running backs are like a fine wine, they just get better with age-right Jamaal? Odell Beckham is great but I'm not a fan of his other WR. You'd be more likely to see Terrell Pryor paying for tattoos back when he was in college than you are to see him producing enough on the field to justify his draft position. Nick does have a keen eye for WR talent. How many picks did he give up for Allen Robinson last year?  

4. Paul's "Serenity Now"

Troy: This is easiest the best lineup Paul has fielded in years, which is saying something as his former golden boy Andrew Luck is having a difficult time even lifting his arm above his head. Doug Baldwin, TY Hilton and Adam Thielen give him depth at WR, a position which has often been neglected on this team. Even with Luck on the sideline Paul has one of if not the best backup options in Big Ben. If this team can stay healthy they have a good chance of pushing for a division title thanks to the dumpster fire that is the "Super" show division. No Luck needed for this team to win the division.

Jamaal:  There's a lot of good here. There's a depth and a sweetness to this team that I've only felt when listening to classical piano, or tasted while sipping scotch. 

5. Drew's "1.21 Gigawatts"

Jamaal: I'll tell you right now, if Zeke Elliot were playing 16 games this year I'd have ranked Drew in the top 4. But, alas, he'll be sitting on the bench serving about 0.0001% of what he deserves for at best terrorizing women, and at worst, being a full-blown perpetrator of domestic violence. Good luck rooting for him this year, Drew. 

Troy: Good news! Sounds like Zeke will be able to play the full season. Good for Drew, at least. This team is a complete 180 from old Drew teams-great RBs and mediocre WRs. Ezekiel Elliott and Devonta Freeman will help carry this team all year. Those 2 plus Dak at QB would be enough for even a less than competent owner to get in the playoffs-which is why I have this team just making it in as the 6th seed in my rankings.

6. Jamaal's "Hyde Like To Kiss You"

Troy: After one of the luckiest runs in NCU history 2 seasons ago Jamaal had one of the unluckiest runs as he went from champ to chump turning a 12 win season into a 2 win stink fest. This team is somewhere in between those two —I'd expect them to end up closer to the bottom. Hard to rely on Hyde and Gordon who have never had a productive 16-game season between them when you have no depth. Keenan Allen should have a good game in his annual weekly appearance though, so there's that to look forward to.

Jamaal: I thought we were friends. You're dead to me. 

7. Chris' "David's Johnson"

Jamaal: Zero points awarded for the most obvious penis joke ever. However, building on the foundation of a complete-package star like David Johnson at RB has Pruett's roster in my good graces. He, Dez Bryant, and Philip Rivers will form the core each week, and I think he'll be able to trust Zach Ertz again. But after that, questions abound... can Ty Montgomery be an actual RB all year long, or will Jamaal Williams erode his touches? Is Corey Coleman going to vault into every-week viability? With a similar skill-set, how much will Adrian Peterson hurt Mark Ingram's early-down work? I'VE GOT QUESTIONS, FELLA

Troy: I don't get the joke. 

It's a shame David Johnson has to get the Arian Foster treatment and rot away on Pruett's roster. His production single-handedly keeps Pruett's team in the top half of the league. Instead of making a real effort to upgrade his keepers he instead settled for Ty Montgomery and Mark Ingram rounds 1 and 2. The RBs paired with Dez and 2 oldie-but-okayie QBs should be enough to get Pruett's in the playoffs.

8. Matt's "Fighting Minnow"

Troy: The best way to keep Aaron Rodgers out of the playoffs has been to stick him on Matt Hurm's team. How does he not even sniff the playoffs having Aaron Rodgers on his team the better part of a decade?! It's crazy. This year Matt finally has some young, ultra talented players to surround Rodgers with Dalvin Cook and Martavis Bryant. Of course those two will only reach their full potential after Hurm trades them for pennies on the dollar. 

Jamaal: I don't see a scenario where Matt trades either of those players for cheap. It's not like (Jordy Nelson) he has a (Antonio Brown) history of making bad (Deandre Hopkins) decisions.

9. Dillon's "ALPHABET SOUP"

Jamaal: Have you ever mixed water and flour together, and then put the entire glob of goop in your mouth? I hope not. But that's what came to mind when I looked at Dillon's roster. A complete lack of imagination here, and the results are altogether unpalatable. Good quarterback, good receiver (Green), and a bunch of guys no one will get excited about. The main concern here is that Dillon went 6-7 in 2016 and didn't make a definitive move toward better production this year. As a protégé of Commissioner Libengood, I expected more. SAD

Troy: Dillon apparently had to use all of his imagination to come up with a reason why he forgot to set his keepers. The former winningest owner of all time will have a tough time making the playoffs. Expect weeks where Dillon starts injured and bye week players as the ESPN fantasy site will continue to fluster him and cause these issues-not his apathy for the league. Cam, AJ and company will need to have huge weeks in order for this team to win. WEAK OWNER!

10. Lance's "Frank Underwood"

Troy: The head of the Libengood clan will have to take some time away from defending his cousin to defend his draft strategy. Taking Leonard Fournette over Dalvin Cook and Kareem Hunt could haunt this team for years if his foot injury keeps creeping up and the Jaguars keep on starting inept QBs. Lance seems to be leaning on the ol' Ben Montgomery strategy of starting 2 TEs with Gronk and Kelce. We all know how that one worked out. At least Lance has his relatives ready to offer up a family discount. Can't wait to see his eventual deal for AJ Green — assuming Dillon figures out how to work the ESPN site.

Jamaal: I'm sure it'll be fine.

11. Ryan's "Joseph Addai"

Jamaal: There are many things about Ryan Liddiard I will never understand. He's a true enigma. One day he's screaming MAGA from the rooftops, and the next he's talking about how much he loves gardening and being a dad. Then he's showing off his automatic weapons and calling progressive thinkers "snowflakes" and "pansies" and "libtards", and then after that he'll spend 12 hours installing beautiful tile for a grateful client. I've never come across another man like him. Another thing I don't understand is why he passed on a running back in the first round of our draft. At least one starting option would have been a wonderful complement to his solid QB and trio of dynamic receivers. For me, it's the difference between fighting for playoff life, and fighting for the division crown.

Troy: Apparently Lidds got some sweet Russian intel that Corey Davis was going to be the next big WR. I like his potential but think it was a reach to take him in round 1. AP has looked washed up and in my opinion was the worst keeper in the league. Dude could retire and Lidds would still keep him for a few years at this point. MAGA needs to stand for Make Addai Great Again. Hillary Clinton had a better chance of winning Alabama than this team does of making the playoffs.

12. Dave's "The Brian Urlachers"

Troy: Tom Brady getting traded from my team to Mower's is the fantasy equivalent of him going from New England to the New York Jets. Mowers has a decent team, well rounded starter worthy options at every position but is lacking any elite options outside of Brady — who may not be elite without Edelman. Following the Bears lead, Mowers reached and grabbed Mitchell Trubisky as a potential replacement for Brady. Without the star power to surround Brady this team will likely be looking at another early draft pick next year. Sad!

Jamaal: There was a time when I was worried when The Brian Urlachers appeared on my schedule. For now, that time has ended. Maybe all of Mowers' bets will pay off, but there's way too much hope and hype on this roster for anyone to bank on a playoff run.

13. Ryan's "Got Arthritis Yet"

Jamaal: I love me some Jordy, and DeMarco Murray is continuing to ruin everyone's dreams of seeing Derrick Henry take over the full workload in Tennessee. Aside from these two, Wilson has been getting it done with guys I hate owning in fantasy — Matt Stafford, Larry Fitzgerald, Jared Cook, Tavon Austin. Hard to argue with a 25-14 record spanning the past three seasons, but what a boring way to do it. 

Troy: This team acronym should be BenGay with all vets Wilson is stashing. Year in and year out this team looks the same. Nothing inspiring here but when you're in the division Wilson is, you have a chance to win with even the weakest roster.

14. Jacob's "Jabad's Sheep"

Troy: Has this team taken a step back from being in the championship game a season ago or were they never that good in the first place? Based on how they performed in the championship game my guess is the latter. Brutal options at WR after Sanders and a bunch of backup running backs will leave this team at the bottom of the standings all year. They will need a ton of luck to compete. Too bad they used it all up last year.

Jamaal: The thing about luck is that you can't use it all up. There's not a tank somewhere with a capacity, or a barometer where you can measure the amount dispensed. There's no luck credit card where you can hit a limit and then you're like totally maxed out and you need to ask someone for more. There's only "good enough", or "not good enough" each week in fantasy football. And if 64 points is generally good enough, Jabad will be rolling in wins this year.

15. Jon's "Urine Trouble"

Jamaal: No one has done less with more than the other Hurm. Gifted Jamaal Charles, Julio Jones, Phil Rivers, Alshon Jeffrey and DeSean Jackson in his first season, Jon is under .500 in his three years in NCU Fantasy Football (19-20). I ranked him this low because I have zero faith in his ownership skill. I think he's already checked out, and that he'll take another runny dump all over our league once again this year by giving 3% instead of the full hundo we're owed. 

Troy: What a pathetic display by Jon in these past three years. Why push so hard to join a league you don't even care about? No trades, no activity and no chance of making the playoffs. Let someone else take over. At least he didn't take a kicker round 3 this year.

16. Caleb's "Indianapolis Lucky Charms"

Troy: Wow. No wonder Nik decided to punk out and leave the league. Good riddance I say. Caleb will do a much better job. These Lucky Charms are missing all their marshmallows though. TY Hilton will be hurt with Luck unavailable and there are no other cornerstone pieces you'd want to build around on this team. As Caleb has shown in baseball he has the ability to turn a team around in just 7-8 years so no need to worry here folks.

Jamaal: Let me be the fourth to say "welcome to the league, Caleb". 😐 I hope you have a terrible season, and that there are no clear-cut #1 picks next year.

Enjoy the season, friends!